Thursday, April 14, 2011

You're So Skinny!

I find myself telling a lot of women how skinny they look it a new diet I'm not keyed in to? Is it the fact that Summer is coming in a few months and they're all shedding a few pounds? Is that new class at the gym really making these women who used to be bigger than me shrink each week that I see them?

Oh wait, it's just that I'm getting bigger and bigger and everyone else looks ity-bity compared to my cankle-legged, sausage fingered, oompa loompa'd self. Oh, the end is near...I'm almost to my delivery weight...which has been the exact number  (highly confidential) for all my children. So let's not try and break any records with this one, eh?

Sometimes I can feel my thighs touching as I walk. It's not a good feeling for me. It reminds me of a time in college when I was reaching my highest weight (not my loveliest time of life) and I was walking to campus and felt this awful feeling of my thighs rubbing together so much that I almost cried the whole way to class. Luckily, I was relieved to realize that my extra long scarf I was wearing had got caught in between my legs and was causing that extra stuffiness down there...kind of weird that I couldn't tell I had a scarf between my legs, but hey, it was really cold and I was wearing a coat that covered it. My walk home had a lot less friction. I have not been wearing scarfs lately so I know what's causing the friction this time...oh she better be a big eater cause Momma's gonna have a lot to take off.

Wow. Is this really what I'm blogging about? I get a little obsessed about weight. 10 years ago I was one of those really annoying girls who complained about how "fat" I was all the time and I know I become that same girl while I'm pregnant. I'm not proud of it and wish that I was less of a complainer...but I'm not. So this is what I write about at 11:30 at night.

What I should be saying is how excited I am to be having a baby in a few weeks. How I love sitting down when the boys go to sleep and it's just me and my baby inside me and I stare down at my stomach in amazement as it takes on wild shapes as she moves around for me. It's like she knows she has my full attention and she's ready to perform. The feeling of having another life inside of you is the coolest thing ever and something I will miss when she's not there anymore. It's very likely she is my last and the thought that these last weeks will be the last time I'll know this feeling is almost a mournful thing for me. As much as I dislike a lot of the changes in my body while being pregnant, it is all worth it to feel the kicks of a child you know nothing about yet and the mystery of who they will be and begin this connection with them.

I really can't wait to meet this little girl.

(However, I was totally convinced the other night, when I couldn't sleep, that this child for sure was a hermaphrodite because there was no way I was really going to have a girl, but if both ultrasounds didn't show a penis, then obviously it was a hermaphrodite, and then how do we decide what to raise it as? Boy or Girl? It was a very stressful thought which somehow led to my next thought that kept me up for another 45 minutes--how do snakes mate?)

Obviously I have become completely irrational and this pregnancy is skewing my perspective on life right now.  And really how many dreams can you have about your baby coming out prematurely and you trying to stuff it back in? It is the weirdest dream and she always comes out looking at least 4 months old, yet she's premature. Go figure.

Really? Am I going to push "publish?"

Yes. I. Am.


Ann said...

You are the Erma Bombeck for a new generation. You should be writing a book in all your free time...

Nancy said...

Thank goodness you have preserved theses memories and thoughts for all the world to see! I can't wait to discover the personality of another Harris child. They are each so unique and a little bit of Ashley.

Meghann said...

*giggling* All I can think these days is, "Come out already!" My friend and I are about as far along as each other- after a visit this week I realized neither of us said anything positive about pregnancy... for shame.

P.S. So jealous you have a clue as to when in the form of a delivery weight!

Ming said...

I LOVE this post! I love the honesty and I SO relate. I have all those same feelings when I'm pregnant (I totally obsess over my weight) so in a way this makes me feel validated, and I like it.

I also have crazy dreams when I'm pregnant that include the early baby delivery except that they come out walking. Creepy!

The good news is remember how having kids made you SKINNIER?! So I just can't feel too bad for you.:) You'll be back to your old self in no time looking gorgeous as always!

Megs said...

Your posts crack me up every time I read them. Hi-larious.

I got the same way when I was pregnant with our first, I was obsessed with weight. It didn't help that my doctor told me I needed to gain 30-35. What the?! I did it, and then vowed never to listen to her about that again. After I gave birth and it was an emergency C-Section and I didn't have to worry about weight gain, I was pretty upset. And then my doctor told me, "Gee, I guess you didn't have to gain all that weight." Well, GEE, thanks doc.

Anyways, the point of that was to tell you that I understand. Gaining weight and looking different when you look in the mirror is never fun. But oh joy - you will have a baby GIRL soon & that will be amazing! Yay!

Oh, and I totally told Tim we were having a hermaphrodite with our second because my mother intuition was convinced it was a boy and the ultrasounds kept saying girl. We would have chosen girl. ;)

Harris Beach Bums said...

Glad you pushed publish ;) You crack me up.

Lillie said...

Hi Ashley! So I thought of you when Ross said he met an Ashley. But I'd forgotten you moved back west. Glad you commented. :) That was too funny-- thanks for making him feel like a celebrity. :)

Don't even get me started an everyone in the whole wide world getting skinnier. ...while I got fatter and fatter with Finn and now am sporting my lovely post-Finn figure, Ross decided it was time in his life to become obsessed with Cross fit and races. I'm so happy for him.

I just read the second pee story. I'm still trying to retell the first to people. Funniest stories EVER.

kelly said...

hilarious! i totally agree with ann. can you believe you packed a scale to bring to thailand?! so, so funny. good luck with the last few weeks! i think the odds are against you as far as having a hermaphrodite goes but i have had the same fear since i learned about them in adolescence. pretty sure that'll be the next one for us. can't wait for #4. i know you will be your skinny self again in no time.

The Riesenberg Family said...

I'm just so glad that I don't have to be pregnant with you. But if I was you would feel like the skinniest pregnant chick of all time. Try to think back to the fatty that I was. I gained 75 lbs. with my 3rd baby! And then I had to lose 40 lbs afterward and struggled to lose every pound. So sorry, I just don't feel that bad for you:)